I have been told that I have a tendency to look at people through rose colored glasses. Especially true when it comes to guys I may like. I don't see this. I actually have been psychoanalyzed and my therapist says that he feels I don't trust enough. Shrink says I don't trust enough. Family says I trust too much.
I think that I am pretty much balanced.
After my failed marriage... due to ...a few...extra-marrital affairs, I thought geez....I won't ever trust again.
I did. Thank God! But I do see where I go into situations with an open mind and heart, but all too often I am let down.
People can be good for a while....Is where I am. It is easy to be that person you feel others want you to be for a while. At least this is what I feel that the majority of guys do. Lets trick the girl until she falls in love with us and then let our true colors show.
Do they think that we will at that point say...ah man...I'm too invested now. Lets just stay the course and hope for the best. Um..No. Not happening. Well at least for this girl it's not happening.
I have a different approach to the initial stages of dating. I would rather lay out every possible negative thing about me. Every non negotiable. Every worrisome quirk in the beginning so that the guy can tuck tail and run before any time is wasted. If they stay despite all of that... awesome. If not. I've wasted minimal time.
So all of that is to say, I have been seeing someone who I feel to be a great guy. Very different from the normal "type" of guy that I generally date, but a good different I think.
Dating with a child changes the course of the game drastically. You can't introduce your child right off the bat because what if it doesn't work out. But yet, you can't wait an extended amount of time because you want to see how your significant other and child mesh. So when is the right time?
"When you know they are not a P.O.S." is the answer that I have liked the most when asked. But if I have been told that I look at guys with rose colored glasses, how will I ever know this? Will I every truely know? Does anyone ever truely know? And why do I always try to overanalyze situations instead of just going with it?
Today I felt that said guy was upset or off. Distant is the word that I used. Why? I don't really have a valid reason. Just a feeling. OVERANALYZING. Maybe. It's to be determined in my mind. I have to find a balance with these things. To take him at face value. When he said that nothing was wrong, I have to take him at that. Right? Yes, I think so. But I also have to be mindful / observant at the same time.
So with all of that said. When do you know someone? There are so very few people who know me. Really know me. The good, bad and ugly. Many people know different facets of myself, but it's rare for someone to know me in my entirety. With that said, how unfair is it that I expect to know others to that level?
It's something to think about though. How well do you allow others to know you? How well do you know others? And if it is pertinent for your to know others on that level, don't you owe it to both yourself and others in your life to know you at that level as well?
You know, this is something I struggle with myself. Overanalyzing. I used to think it was because I was such a thinker that I simply could not turn it off. But I have learned that my constant analysis of others is not a side affect of my superior brilliance (I kid) but a defense mechanism. I like to know everything. I like to know what is coming, going, up, down, and side to side. It is not a mere curiosity but a way to keep from being hurt. "Go with the flow," "fate," "destiny," and terms depicting little to no control of a situation have not been something I subscribe to I have always hated when someone tell me something is "not meant to be." This tells me we have no control over such important aspects of our lives and I have always been reticent to accept these notions.
ReplyDeleteNot willing to accept that a love interest, friendship, or whatever is simply held hostage to the whims of "meant to be" I analyze things to death. Only recently have I learned there is an upside to this whole going with the flow ideal. I still feel naked, but it eases my mind. Perhaps your rose colored glasses are your attempt to get around the same sort of thing. Like you have this battle inside of whether to just go with the flow or dam it up and test every drop of water for purity.
As for when you truly know someone..... I would hope never. I mean it is one thing to know a person's flaws, their mistakes, their good and bad. Half of that information you can find on Google. But in terms of relationships, growth is the goal. Perhaps the key. We men can be like the dog chasing the car. So eager, so persistent But what do we do with the car when we catch it? What I know is this, I have uttered the words I love you more times than I should have and certainly more times than I meant. Sometimes I knew I didn't mean it, sometimes I thought I did. Sometimes the chase was purely to see if I could. Sometimes I thought it was what I wanted but got so exhausted I just said forget it. But another thing I have learned. Real situations do not require a chase. While the other dogs are running down the road I am simply walking. Biding my time, waiting for my opportunity. So long as they see me behind them I am good. When you find that one you will notice you analyze a lot less. Yes, you will still wonder and have those moments but for someone like you, like me, it will be a totally different thing. Scary even. Simply trusting someone and not outwardly but inwardly as well. It is ok that you look at guys through rose colored glasses. Because the one that is for you, deserves you, will take them clear