Trust the Journey.....Part 2 of 2

So what is the old adage. Don't look for love and let it come to you? Something along those lines anyway. 

I usually am very good about not looking for a relationship or even casually dating right out of the gate from a failed relationship. I like those moments between to regroup and focus. 

But what happens when a possibility literally opens your door refuses to leave and...hits you in the heart like a ton of bricks????

Let me back up a minute. Let me explain a little bit first. 

I am weird. Yes...yes...most never admit it, but I have no hangups about that. 

I have come a long way from who I was growing up. The good and the bad have all made me who I am today and I wouldn't change a minute of it. I happen to like who I am today. But because small town drama seems to always follow and the strides that I had taken to rid myself of any of that lingering in my life, I made a conscious effort never to even see those who I grew up with as potential "suitors". 

Until I did. 

So there was this guy. 

We went to school together. Middle school and part of high school....apparently elementary school as well but I have a mental block. It's not like we were "besties". I would have considered that we were class friends at one point. We never spent any significant time together...but being the loner I was I really didn't spend significant time with anyone so....

Anyway, so as far as school age crushes go, I had a fairly long standing one on him. I can't really explain the whys....could say it was the personality, the humor, the wit, the intellect that was masked more times than not and presented in a very vocal bantering way. Could have been the distinct voice that I heard in my head years later or the dimples that made the smile contagious. Could have been the simple fact that he was not like the majority of people and that clearly is my type. 

We lost touch. It's a funny thing actually. I don't think anyone at that age thinks,.... I'll never see this person again. We seem to take for granted that time will stand still and everything will go on as it is in that moment. 

What is a crush anyway?? 

As I sit here writing this I can't help but wonder what the technical definition is....Ole Webster says it is a strong but short lived liking for a person. 

So then if it's short lived....would it also be a crush if as time went on the two other times that I randomly ran into him in town that it was the same emotions all over again? 

Maybe...each time would have been short lived anyway due to timing and circumstance. It was never tested to push past a short time frame. 

Until now....

Until an opportunity for us to reconnect as friends presented itself and a simple dialogue of the past was initiated to learn that it wasn't a one-sided crush. 

So what do you do with that?

Though there has been no downtime from last relationship....though it was very clear that there is such a freakin strong potential for awesomeness here...do you chalk it up to bad timing once again and wait five more years to see...do you bite the bullet and jump taking a leap of faith? Do you say maybe this is the culmination of all learning experiences to make you swallow your pride and throw out stupid concerted efforts not to mingle with those in the past and see where this goes?

I try to analyze everything...to a fault no doubt.

So running around in my head had been...someone will come when you least expect it...quit looking online....why don't you date those you know...

I also have been told a time or two that I don't let myself just throw caution to the wind and let myself feel for fear of being hurt. Maybe that's exactly what I need to do.

So....that's exactly what I have decided to do....or maybe it was predecided for me because there are many times during the day that I'm positive something else or someone else is guiding this. 

What I know is that it's about time that I let all the walls fall. That if I'm truly going to give this a shot that I should be vulnerable. It'll either work or it won't. But if anything was going to work, wouldn't a crush 18 years ago that can still have the strength to flood back the same now that it was then...have the ability to be the one that works?

It's worth finding out. Worth feeling. Worth putting every bit into. 

I'll store the walls in a closet. I'll let my heart guide a bit more than my analytical head while still trying to walk slowly...and I'll keep my supports close in the event that my heart turns out to be nothing but a backstabber ;)