"Wait a second, why should you care..."

Admittedly I have been at a loss for what to blog about this week. It's a strange feeling. The feeling where so many thoughts and emotions...so many ideas being processed and events happening but yet none of which can be wrangled enough to put into words. 

This week I asked a friend for advice of what to write about. Next time I ask for a blog topic it will not be directly after I have vented about situations that have happened through the week. 

But yet it is still humorous at how things transpired. 

Each week I look up the free song on iTunes. I rarely ever download it; however, I am a huge Colbie Callat fan and it was a single by her titled "Try". I downloaded it and fell in love with the song. 

I have never been a conformist. I am who I am and have never really cared what other people think. I tend to like oddities, eccentricities,  those who also march to a different beat than the masses. 

So anyway. This song is about a girl who spends her entirety trying to please other people. Changing herself to be accepted by societal norms until she realizes who she is when the door is closed and when the pressures of what others thinks she should be have been removed she realized that she likes who she is without having to be who others want her to be. 

I think the overarching message is to be comfortable in your own skin. 

When this is mentioned the majority of people just assume it's something that fat people say just to excuse their weight. I know a ton of thin and built people who still aren't comfortable with who they are. 

So anyway...said friend suggested I write about this in a personal aspect. 

I at this point in my life am good with who I am. Are there areas that I see that could improve ...speaking of physicality....absolutely. But I could also curb my temper and sarcasm at times. 

I believe there are things about everyone if given the opportunity they would wave a magic wand and change slightly. This to me is different than a hatred for ones self. A feeling of unworthiness of unattractiveness and an all consuming need to change yet never be happy. 

It's as simple as preference. It is unrealistic to think everyone is going to be attracted to a single person or type. I for sure am not. Not that those who I am not attracted to are ugly....just not my preference. So why in the world would I think that I am everyone's cup of tea? Heck some people despise tea and that's kosher. 

Every one has incredibly attractive features. Know what they are. Own them. 100% of you may not be hot but some traits are. And by the way... personalities are also attractive.

Listen to the song...

Here are some lyrics to leave you with:

"Wait a second, why should you care what they think of you, when you're all alone by yourself do you like you?..." 

Be comfortable in your own skin. Like who you are. Don't try to be someone you aren't. Don't change yourself for someone's approval. 

Don't wait for someone else to tell you that you are amazing....tell yourself that! 

The culture of online dating. . .

Those who really know me, know that online dating is not a foreign concept in my life. Never has been. Being someone who is not a social butterfly and would rather watch a group of people than take part in anything that they are doing, it seemed only to make sense that I would go to the 'net to meet people.

I remember the first day that I created an online account....with ICQ....(yes I'm old). My parents were out on a date on the General Jackson and I had the night by myself. Keep in mind this was deviant. Before that the only deviant thing that I had done was read a harlequin novel in my closet so no one knew....(unfortunately I cannot erase that from existence). Anyway, so this quickly became the medium that I used to meet guys to go on dates with. I remember the words of caution that my mother gave me about how you can be whoever you want to be online, they could be posing as other persons, etc, but I ...for the most part...had pretty positive experiences. I met some pretty great people, two of which are still good friends.

Something happened along the way, between the days of ICQ and Yahoo to today with a blue million different sites. Lets see if I can name the majority. We've got the normal social media of myspace and facebook, match.com, zoosk, POF, skout, and a slew of others.

Online dating has killed the dating scene altogether. Gone are the days of gradually getting to know someone, of courting someone, of enjoying the simplicities. It has become this fast paced rush to the end.

Speed dating on crack is what it has become.

There are several cons to it. Cons meaning negative things...not that people are cons...which they are!

Ok, so down to the nitty gritty. First there is this whole concept of playing up the positives. I have no qualms about letting people know my downfalls. They should right? They should know the good, but they should also know the bad. Online dating has a sense of building up the positives and skipping over anything negative to the point of more times than not embellishing the truth.

There is also the idea of settling. Before the accessibility of online dating, multiple people literally at your fingertip, relationships lasted longer. People appreciated what they had. Appreciated the work put into them to make them great. Appreciated how they bounced back from an argument. Found ways to compromise without feeling as if they were settling. Now it seems the first time that someone disagrees with another, it's on to the next person. And really it's even more juvenile than that. Oh, you didn't text within x amount of time... ciao.

On the same thought, there is the notion that the grass is greener on the other side. Guys get their egos stroked. To be fair, I'm sure it's the same for girls as well, but since the male gender is who I pursue, I can only comment to what I know. So a guy sees a chicks pics on a dating site, may or may not read her profile, sends her a message....she responds....and agrees to a date. Lets say this girl is a 6 on a scale of 1-10 on the hotness factor. Wow...thinks said guy...that was easy. She just said yes, no coaxing, no emotional filler. Lets see if I can get an 8 on the scale since this one was quick to agree. It becomes a never ending vicious cycle of people never being happy with who they have.

It becomes easy to be unfaithful. There is a lull in a relationship and instead of taking it as it is, or communicating...so many people are quick to just give up, or start messaging other people to fill that lull.

Ok, so there are also positives. Clearly, I wouldn't still dabble with the online dating scene if it was all negative.

But I am also a closet optimist, so who knows.

What are the good points to it? For those of us who have full time jobs, kids, etc etc etc, it is a great medium to actually strike up conversations with people. For those who live around here. If the bar scene isn't your thing, there really isn't anything else. So it introduces us to others, there is the opportunity to communicate prior to meeting up in person. The benefit to this is one, that you can weed out people who you don't think you have anything in common with prior to meeting and saving that awkward...yeah this isn't going to happen again conversation face to face ;), and two you already know a bit about that person to have things to talk about immediately instead of finding a commonality. 

Also it gives the opportunity to dial up a person to an extent. Filter for specifics to make the search easier. Now there are the people who just see a pretty face and message anyway. Generally these are easy to spot like when they say "It looks like we have a lot in common from reading your about you section"...and I want to say um which part a single mom or don't send risque pics (while they're posing half naked with their pants undone)??

Anyway....I convinced a friend to join a dating site. I do have to say....my encounters are so very tame in comparison. Don't get me wrong. I have some stories. Would gladly share some of them if you need a mid-day laugh. But I've learned through her that I don't do b.s. It's a waste of time and energy. Though, yes it's fun to call someone out on being a douche, sometimes, it's just not worth it. I think there is a huge population that become jaded quick with the online dating scene. That all guys ...or girls online are fake, are not worth the effort, are there just for random hookups, etc.

The reality is...people are people. They choose what their life is. Not all people that are online looking to find someone (in whatever capacity they are looking for) are bad, just as not all people that choose to find potential dates offline are bad. Cherish the good. If and when you find someone you click with and enjoy spending time with... take it for what it is. The good with the not so good. And by all means....quit being quick on the drawl of looking for someone else. Give it a fair shake, stay off the dating sites...until (if) it does not work out. Don't be skouting the next best thing as a back up plan. Back up plans are just your conscious saying you're not into what you have currently. If you aren't don't pretend just to have someone around.

That's my randomness for the day. 

Happy hunting!